I wish this process was over! I feel my ulcer getting bigger over this.
The future is not guaranteed but just thinking about it makes me cringe!
I need embrace.
I’m excited for this.
I always feel left out.
I miss my mommy. :( hopefully she’ll come home soon.
This new update on tumblr.
So my daughter is almost 14 months aka she’s one. And have fully stopped nursing her. YAY me!! She’s been off breast for a week now and she’s doing ok. There are days like today where she pulls down on my shirt and cries but others were she goes and searches for a bottles. We chose to give her soy milk. She loves it more than cows milk. I only gave her cows milk once as she spit it out every time I tried giving it to her. We opt out of cows milk a long time ago but I wanted to see if she’d take it. Gladly she didn’t.
Now all I’m waiting is for my Boobies to dry up. Hehehe. Tmi? They will never be the same :( after my next kid I will get my boobies done if they aren’t pretty. Haha
A few days ago elli fell down the stairs. Worst thing I have ever seen. My baby! I felt awful. Still do. Im like punishing myself because I keep reliving it. :( but she’s ok. I wonder if she’s in any pain. I hate not being able to tell. And I hate myself for not putting a gate up.
Smh. Stressing me out!
Its been a year since this darling was born. One year and 4 days.
I love her so much.
Its been a trip! Lots of sleepless nights, lots of dirty diapers, lots of cuddles and i do mean LOTS of cuddles. This darling has not left my side since day one! She sleeps with mommy and daddy… which means?? yep, lack of intimacy.
now that she is one, we are transitioning her to her bed. she hated it every time we put her in it. that’s when i discovered that she had found her outside voice. So what we decided was to put her in a toddler bed. Everyone thinks shes way too young— well she is but we gave her the liberty to be able to get of her bed and to get back in it. That’s how its been with our bed— so why take that away. We did put a railing so when she rolls she doesn’t hit the floor, but has a space for her to get in an out. We have only successfully got her to sleep there once last week. She takes her naps there and falls asleep there but around 1 am she wakes up and i have to go get her.
I will not let her cry it out, I have nursed her since she was born and still am. Nights are rough because i think she has upsetting dreams that make her cry once in a while— still asleep though— and what i do is nurse her to calm her down. I’ve tried sticking a pacifier in her mouth but she knows its not mommy. I am starting to wean her but its hard now since she knows how to pull my shirt down. Also every time I lay down she too lays down right next to me for a feeding. smart cookie.
Overall I feel that I’ve done a great job as a mommy. I stay at home- so that helps because she is getting all my attention. She has been eating solids since about 3 or 4 months— and i have made all of her food. We only used jar here and there when we went out. I still make her food everyday and she has been eating everything that we eat since about 9 months. Poor thing only has 5 teeth. 3 which she only got last month! but that’s ok because she manages.
I have cloth diapered her since she was born as well but stopped about a month ago because the diapers seem to be giving out, they weren’t very absorbent anymore… i think the PUL was deteriorating we have no money to replace them. SO to solve that problem we asked for a potty for her birthday. SHOCKER!! a one year old being potty trained. Pfft. I wanted her to be potty trained months ago.. elimination communication. I am not letting her run around in an undie.. babies have cues that you can follow to know when they need to go. I just started so i havent gotten it yet— but she has peed and pooped in it. I take her after breakfast, before nap time, after nap time, after lunch and a few times after that. mornings are better to catch the pees. I want her to get use to it. even though she cant tell me potty she will know what potty is. she knows that the keys open the front door without me teaching her that. Out of the blue i saw her pick up my keys and went to the door and was trying to open it.
A lot of people tell me i have a good baby. And yes i do have a great baby. I really think is because I nursed her and gave her natural foods. Nursing is HARD! and it hurts! it hurts at the beginning. It will all become numb after a few weeks. but the hard part doesn’t end. Its time consuming, guess what— its suppose to be. That is your bonding time with your baby! enjoy it. its not gross/perverted. i feel that my daughter feels safest when she nurses. AND its quiet! I did supplement for the first month with formula because i had a c-section and it was just awful getting up at night.. my husband gave her the bottles. its just not the same if you give your kid a bottle— i would think you wouldn’t be as attached to your kid as if you nursed. it would be easier to leave them with someone else while you did your business. I have anxiety every time i leave her with a relative— even if its just for an hour.
But giving her formula was awful - i knew that breast is best because she would cry so much more on it than breast milk, she has never had a tummy problem or has been sick after that. she has always been a happy baby. quiet as well. BUT now that shes one… ooooh.. she has discovered walking!!!!
INDEPENDENCE! wants to go everywhere. she will not sit still, but i still love her.
I just hope she is kind to me as she gets older. =/